


1977

by manbun_zukka



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, It's kinda angsty, M/M, Marauder's Era, Never Have I Ever, Remus is clueless, Sirius is Angsty (tm), Spin the Bottle, They all need a hug, They just love each other a lot, but mostly soft, flufffffffffffff, sixth year, smol gae bois
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24491119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manbun_zukka/pseuds/manbun_zukka
Summary: “There’s a guy…” Sirius started. Remus nodded, encouraging him to go on. “And he’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met. He’s kind, and funny, and honest, and really fucking handsome. But I don’t even know if he’s gay, and even if he is, he would probably never like me like that.”“Sirius, I’ve never met a rational person who didn’t like you.” Remus soothed. “I’m sure whoever this guy is, he thinks you’re amazing.”“I’m not sure. The thing is, we’re really good friends, and I’m afraid that I’ll jeopardize that, if I tell him how I feel.” Sirius sighed.  “I’m gonna go up. You coming?”"No, I think I'll stay down here and read." Remus answered, pulling out the book he had brought with him. "Night, Pads.""Night, Moony,"Remus sat there, in front of the fire, reading for what could have been hours. He kept getting distracted, however, by that feeling, those butterflies that had suddenly erupted. By four in the morning, he had begun to nod off, but before he could fall asleep, he had one final thought. 'There is no way I have a crush on my best friend. Not when he’s head over heels for someone else.'
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 73





	1. September

**Author's Note:**

> He y'all! This is gonna be my longest fic by far (10 chapters, each between 1 and 2k), and I'm so excited to write it! The should be one or two new chapters up each week, and I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> xx,  
> CJ

Steam filled platform nine and three-quarters as always, billowing from the scarlet engine and into the crowd. James Potter raised himself up on his toes to search the crowd for a familiar head of black hair. He caught sight of Sirius and bounded across the platform to his friend, smile breaking out on his face.

“Padfoot!” he laughed. 

“Prongs!” Sirius greeted, pulling James into a hug. “Have you seen Remus or Peter?”

“No, I haven’t yet,” James said. “C’mon, you can say hi to my parents and then we can look for them?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Sirius breathed, grabbing his trunk and turning towards his parents. Orion and Walburga Black were busy fussing over Regulus, reminding him about studying for OWLs, and about how he had to uphold the Black name. Sirius scoffed, and walked away without a goodbye, following James to where he was standing next to his parents.

“Sirius!” Euphemia greeted. “My, you’ve gotten tall.”

“Oh, thanks Mrs. Potter.” Sirius blushed.

“Please, dear, call me Euphemia.” she reprimanded, before turning to James. “James, please, try not to get in so much trouble this year.”

“Yeah, Mum,” James sighed, picking up his trunk. “C’mon Pads, we should go look for the others.”

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed, waving at the Potters. 

“Have a good year, dears,” Mrs. Potter sighed, waving them off towards the train. 

The two of them hoisted their luggage onto a rack and headed towards their usual compartment in the back of the train. When they arrived, James placed his owl onto the smaller rack in the compartment, and flopped down next to Sirius. 

They waited in the compartment for a few minutes, waiting for either Remus or Peter to show up, and when neither did, they decided to go look for them out on the platform. Just as they were about to leave, Remus poked his head in through the doorway,

“Hey, Padfoot, Prongs!” he greeted. 

“Moony!” James smiled, pulling his friend into a hug, which was getting subsequently harder as Remus got taller. “Jesus, Remus, what are they feeding you?”

“Steady diet of anxiety and self-loathing.”

Sirius still hadn’t said a word; he was in full gay-panic mode. It was hard to miss it; Remus, well, Remus had gotten  _ hot _ . He had surpassed awkward-tall, hit six foot, developed a jawline, gotten a haircut, and Jesus Christ, Sirius did  _ not  _ have enough time to deal with a crush on his best friend, there was enough shit going on in his life already, not that his friends knew that.

“Padfoot?” he heard James distantly say. “Earth to Padfoot?”  
“Oh, sorry,” Sirius said, snapping out of his revere. “C’mon, James, we should go look for Peter.”

“Yeah, Moony, we’ll be back in just a bit.”

They walked back into the hallway, and James waited until they were out of Remus’ ear shot to turn to Sirius.

“What the hell was that about?!” he whisper-yelled

“Nothing,” Sirius dismissed. “Nothing.” But, oh God. This was something. 

“Jesus Christ, Padfoot.” James sighed. “Let’s just go look for Peter.” he decided, grabbing Sirius’ arm and tugging him onto the platform. They searched the crowd for Peter’s familiar face, but couldn’t find him, and eventually returned to the compartment, where he had been all along.

“Hey guys,” he greeted. “What took you so long?”

“We were looking for you, Wormtail,” James sighed, flopping down next to Peter. Sirius sat down across from him, next to Remus.

“So what did you guys do over the summer?” Peter asked.

“I mostly just spent time with my parents,” James said. “It was actually pretty nice.”

“I spent the majority of my time brooding in my room,” Sirius sighed dramatically, “with nothing but my record player to keep my company.”

“How the hell did you convince your parents to let you keep that?” James asked incredulously. “I thought they would for sure make you get rid of it!”

“Nah, I just sound-proofed my room with a few charms and they barely even noticed it,” he said, sounding bored.

“What about you, Moony.”

“Oh, y’know, the usual. Read a bit, did my homework, wrote letters to you lot, got teared apart by the monster inside of me every month, nothing new.” Remus said, waving a casual hand in the air.

“Wait, what do you mean, you wrote letters?” Sirius asked, turning to face Remus. “I got radio silence from all of you.”

“What?!” James gasped. “I sent you like, forty letters! I assumed you didn’t write back because of your insane family!”

“I got nothing!” Sirius sighed.

“I sent you a bunch too,” Remus said. “How the hell did none of them get through?”

“I don’t know,” Sirius said, “probably my father’s doing.”

“What if I just told the owl to go straight to your window?” Remus asked, looking concerned.

“I’m not sure if that would work.”

“Why not?”

“My house is a bit… disappear-y.” he mumbled, looking as if he had come up with a lack of words.

“What?” James sighed. 

“If you can’t get it from that definition, than I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“Jesus Christ.” Remus muttered. 

“Hey guys, how about a game of exploding snap?” Peter asked, already pulling the cards out of his bag.  
“Sounds good to me,” James said.  
“I’m in,” Sirius agreed.

“Sure, I’ll play,” Remus sighed.

The train had started moving now, the English countryside whizzing by out the window. Sirius looked out at the view and sighed; he was going home.

-M-W-P-P-

As September rolled by, Remus couldn’t help but worry about Sirius. He’d hardly seen the boy eat all month, the bags under his eyes seemed darker then normal, and he seemed to have distanced himself from the rest of them, almost as if he was keeping something a secret. 

Remus was up late one night, close to the moon, tossing and turning because he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. He eventually gave up on sleep, and grabbed a book from his desk, slipping quietly down to the common room.

As he entered the dimly-lit room, he could make out a small figure by the fire, maybe a first-year who was feeling homesick. But as he got closer, he noticed a familiar mess of long, back hair, and realized that it was Sirius who was sitting there, looking so small in the half light. 

“Padfoot?”

“Jesus, Moony, you scared me!” Sirius jumped. “I didn’t expect there to be anyone else crazy enough to be awake at this hour.”

“Same here,” Remus sighed, sitting down next to his friend. “So, what’s up?”

“Nothing’s up!” Sirius defended, tucking what was clearly a letter into his pocket. Remus decided not to mention the letter, and instead turned to his friend.

“Sirius, I’ve known you for six years, I know when something’s up.” he continued. “And, because you’ve known  _ me  _ for six years, you know I’m not going to leave you alone until you tell me.”

“Ugh, fiiiiine,” Sirius sighed, leaning his head onto Remus’ shoulder. Remus let him stay there. “Just like, family stuff. I’m a disgrace, I’m disappointing, I’ll never uphold the family name, blah blah blah.”

“And…?”

“Dammit, Moony, how do you always know when there’s something else?”

“It comes with the job of being the ‘friend that knows everything’,” Remus dismissed. “Now, spill.”

“There’s a guy…” Sirius started. Remus nodded, encouraging him to go on. “And he’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met. He’s kind, and funny, and honest, and really fucking handsome. But I don’t even know if he’s gay, and even if he is, he would probably never like me like that.”

“Sirius, I’ve never met a rational person who didn’t like you.” Remus soothed. “I’m sure whoever this guy is, he thinks you’re amazing.” 

“I’m not sure. The thing is, we’re really good friends, and I’m afraid that I’ll jeopardize that, if I tell him how I feel.”

“Sirius,” he said. “If he’s this important to you, you should tell him. If he doesn’t like you and decides that he doesn’t want to be friends with you, then he wasn’t worth keeping in the first place.”

“...Yeah.” Sirius sighed. He stood, and his joints popped, a sound that made Remus wince. “I’m gonna go up. You coming?”

` “No, I think I’ll stay down here and read.” Remus answered, pulling out his book. He looked up at Sirius, at his best friend, and felt something coming alive, deep inside of him, a flutter, a feeling that Remus was determined to keep out. “Night, Pads.”

“Night, Moony.”

Remus sat there, in front of the fire, reading for what could have been hours. He kept getting distracted, however, by that feeling, those butterflies that had suddenly erupted. By four in the morning, he had begun to nod off, but before he could fall asleep, he had one final thought.  _ There is no way I have a crush on my best friend. Not when he’s head over heels for someone else. _


	2. October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's almost eleven right now, and yes, I should be asleep, but I had the best idea for how to end this chapter and knew that I had to get it up right away! Hope you lovelies enjoy!
> 
> xx,  
> CJ

  
  


“Men!” James cried as he dramatically entered the dorm room. Remus and Sirius were squished together in the same armchair, studying for Transfiguration, and Peter was across the room from them on his bed, half-asleep with a book on his chest. “We’ve been at school for a month and a half, and we’ve yet to play any stupid drinking games! Something has to be done, and soon!”

“Christ, Prongs,” Remus sighed, shaking his head.

“I dunno, Remus, I like the way James’ thinking!” Sirius declared, jumping up from the chair and grabbing a notepad from his desk. “Let’s start brainstorming!”

Remus got goosebumps on his arm where he had been pressed up against Sirius, and his heart stuttered at the loss of contact, but he brushed off the feeling, turning to Peter instead. “Pete, what do you think?”

Peter snored.

“I’m taking that snore as an affirmative!” Sirius cheered. “I’m sorry, Moony, that’s three to one. You’ve been ruled out.”

“Dammit, Padfoot,” he sighed, standing up. “I’m gonna go find Lily, you guys continue your plotting.”

“Alright, Rem, we’ll be here.” Sirius said, waving him out of the door. 

Remus headed down towards the common room, hoping to catch Lily there, or maybe in the library. His redheaded friend was nowhere to be found in the common room, so Remus continued on through the portrait hole, and towards the other side of the castle. Once he reached the library, he headed to the small, round table in a corner near the Muggle Studies books, where Lily always tended to study.  
“Lils?” he asked tentatively. Remus stood awkwardly in front of her chair, waiting for her to look up from her book.

“Remus?” she said, once she finally noticed him. “Why aren’t you with your friends, scheming something?”

“Have I ever really been one for scheming, Lily?”

“Fair enough,” she sighed, placing her book down. “C’mon, sit down, have a chat.”

He sat down heavily across from her sinking down into the chair. “Help.”

“Oh God, Remus, what?” Lily muttered, looking concerned. “You never ask for help.”

“So, there’s a guy,” he started. She nodded, as if encouraging him to go on. “And he’s fucking beautiful. He’s so perfect it hurts. And just like, looking at him, it gives me goosebumps. Every time I see him, I get this pit in my stomach, and every time I touch him, my skin tingles. I can’t get him out of my head.”

“It’s Sirius, isn’t it.” Lily said this as a statement, not a question.

“...Maybe,” Remus sighed. “But he’s arse-over-tit for some guy, and I’m pretty damn sure he’s not me.”

“How sure can you be?” Lily asked. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you, like you’re the actual sun.”

“I dunno, Lils. I don’t think I can believe it”

“You should believe it.” she reassured him. “When have I ever been wrong?”

-M-W-P-P-

James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Alice, and Frank, were gathered around a circle in the common room, passing a few bottles of firewhiskey among each other. It was two days to the moon, and Remus was exhausted, but he’d insisted on coming anyways, if only because James and Sirius had seemed so excited for it, even if it was just the usual bastards getting a bit tipsy while playing a stupid drinking game. 

Remus was sitting in between Sirius and Marlene, and Lily kept shooting him glances at him from across the circle, as if she was trying to get him to pay more attention to the star shining beside him. He just shook his head at her, and tried to ignore the sparks shooting up his spine every time his shoulder brushed against Sirius’. 

“Alright lads!” James cheered, catching the attention of the group. “Let’s play a game!”

“Never Have I Ever!” Marlene pitched. “It’s a Muggle game that my cousins taught me. Basically, everyone puts up five fingers and we go around the circle and everyone says something that they’ve never done. For example, ‘Never have I ever been good at Arithmancy’. And if you have done it, you put down a finger. Every time you put a finger down, you take a shot.”

“That sounds good to me,” Dorcas said. The rest of the group gave nods and murmurs of agreement, and Marlene cheered, before taking back the lead.

“Okay, so everyone put up your fingers.” she started. Everyone followed her lead, putting up their five fingers. “I’ll go first.” Marlene offered. “Never have I ever kissed a boy.”

Lily, Alice, Sirius, and surprisingly enough, Frank all put down a finger, dutifully taking their shots. “I’ll go next,” Dorcas said, from where she was sitting next to Marlene. “Never have I ever, um, been a prefect.”

“Ah, fuck off, Dorcas” Remus sighed playfully, as both he and Lily put fingers down and took one shot each. 

“Alright, I’m next,” Alice said. She paused for a moment, coming up with her question. “Never have I ever had my Amortentia smell like the person I have a crush on.”

Sirius put down a second finger, and Remus put down a third, while Marlene put down a first, smiling smugly. “What?” she asked, when Sirius gave her a teasing look. “Mine smells like daisies, and Dorcas wears a daisy perfume. It only makes sense that my Amortentia would smell like my girlfriend.”

“Ugh, disgusting,” Peter muttered sarcastically. “As the perpetual single one of the friend group, I have outlawed all forms of PDA, and yes, talking adoringly about your partner counts. It’s all written down in Peter’s Pamphlet of PDA.”

“Jesus Christ, Pete, you sound like an infomercial.” James laughed. “Anyways, I’m up next, bitches! Never have I ever… accidentally set someone on fire!”

“It was one time, you bitch!” Sirius defended, before putting down a finger and downing his shot. Remus shook his head gently, bumping his shoulder against Sirius’.

“One time, really?” he playfully taunted. “Because I can recall  _ at least  _ three.”

“Shove off, Moony,” Sirius sighed dramatically, before laying his head on Remus’ shoulder. Lily sent them another look, which they both pointedly ignored.

The night continued on like that, inside jokes being passed around the group until everyone was sufficiently drunk (being sixteen year-olds with no alcohol tolerance can do that to ya. [don’t drink, kids. The author did not drink as a child, and does not recommend doing so, and y’know what, I’m going off on a tangent, aren’t I?]). By four in the morning, everyone but Sirius and Remus had gone upstairs, and Remus was so tired that he was falling asleep against Sirius’ shoulder.

Sirius watched as this boy, this beautiful, amazing, perfect boy, dreamed silently next to him. He waited until he was 98% sure that Remus was sleeping, and pressed a kiss to his forehead, whispering in his ear, ‘ _ Goodnight, Moons.” _

Little did he know, Remus was still just barely awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this little cliff-hanger bit that I put at the end! I should hopefully have new chapter up pretty soon!
> 
> xx,  
> CJ


	3. November

“Okay, let me get this straight. He let you _fall asleep against his shoulder_ , and then _kissed you on the forehead and whispered in your ear_ , and you still think he likes someone else!?”

“I dunno, Lils,” Remus sighed. The two were holed up in their usual corner of the library, supposed to be studying for Charms, but once Remus had mentioned the events of the previous weekend all talk of studying had been forgotten. “What would he see in me, anyways?”

“Remus, you’re just about the nicest person I know, you’re funny, and honest, and you two have been best friends for six years, he most definitely likes you as a person.” she insisted. “The way he looks at you, Rem, if you could see it. There’s no _way_ he likes anyone else.”

“I’m just not sure,” Remus sighed. “I don’t want to misread signals and then ruin our whole friendship.”

“Please, for god’s sake, just talk to him,” Lily pleaded. “If you would just _talk to him_ , then maybe you two would figure your shit out.”

“What even is there to figure out, Lily?” he murmured. “He likes someone, who’s not me, and I like him, something that he doesn’t know about. That’s already been figured out, what more is there to it?”

“So much more, Rem!” she sighed. “For one, we don’t even know what boy he likes, and I’m pretty damn sure it’s you. How can you know otherwise?”

“I’m pretty damn sure, Lily.”

“I just want you to give it a chance. Think on it, okay?”

“Fine, Lils. Can we please get back to Charms and stop talking about my nonexistent but somehow complicated love life?” Remus said, closing his eyes and scrubbing a hand over his face.

“Yeah, sure Rem.”

-M-W-P-P-

“Wake up, Padfoot!” James cheered, pulling back the curtains around Sirius' bed.

“Jesus Christ, Prongs, you bloody moron,” he muttered, rolling over and squinting at his alarm clock. “It’s six o’clock in the godforsaken morning, what part of you thought it would be a good idea to wake me up?”

“I have coffee!” Prongs continued, thrusting the mug at Sirius’ face. “It’s your birthday, Pads! I have presents too!”

“I will awaken, but only for presents,” Sirius declared, sitting up and accepting the mug, before downing it in one. He looked around the dorm room; Remus and Peter were both half-awake, Remus smiling slightly at Sirius and his disheveled bedhead. 

“Presents!” James yelped, throwing a wrapped parcel at Sirius’ head.

  
“Not exactly what I was thinking James, but okay!” Sirius cheered, rubbing the sore spot. He opened up the box to reveal a golden sneakoscope and a small, square book entitled “How to Flirt With Girls”

“Fuck off, James,” he laughed, cuffing his friend playfully on the shoulder.

“Oh, c’mon Padfoot, I can tell you’ve got your eye on someone,” James teased. “Who’s the lucky bloke?”

Remus could’ve sworn that he saw Sirius spare a glance towards him, although he could have imagined the whole thing. “Ah, shut it, Prongs,” Sirius brushed him off. “Sure, there might be _someone_ , but it’s not too important. There’s no way he likes me back.”

“Alright, Sirius, open my present!” Remus said, trying to steer the conversation away from romance. He tossed the parcel to him, and Sirius caught it, tearing through the paper. Inside was a pack of hair ties, a black eye-liner pencil, and a small, folded-up piece of paper, marked ‘open later’. “I figured, since your hair is always in your face during quidditch-” Remus started, but was cut off by Sirius pulling him into a bone-crushing hug.

“Padfoot, I’m fragile!”

“Oh yeah, sorry Moony,” Sirius sighed, pulling back with a sheepish expression on his face. Remus tried to ignore the blush creeping steadily up his face, choosing instead to watch as Peter gave Sirius his present (a sack full of dungbombs, if you must know). James shot him a look from across the room, raising his eyebrows, but Remus shook his head at him sighing.

“So, boys, eleven o’clock, tonight, for the party,” James supplied, once everyone was out of bed. It was a Thursday, and classes were set to continue as usual, so they had planned a little get together for that night, just them and the usual bastards. The group all gave him nods and murmurs of approval, and before long the four of them had set off for the Great Hall.

-M-W-P-P-

It was late now, close to midnight, and Sirius and Remus were the only ones left downstairs after their little birthday gathering, and Sirius had his head resting on Remus’ shoulder. His long hair had been pulled into a haphazard bun, and his grey eyes were shining in the dim light of the fire. This Sirius, so raw and open, silent but somehow saying so much, Remus was falling in love with him.

He took a deep breath, and decided to go for it. “Padfoot?” he whispered.

Sirius turned to face him and smiled slightly. “Yeah, Moony?”

“I still haven’t given you the last bit of your birthday gift,” Remus went on.

“Really?” Sirius asked. “Well, what is it?”

“This,” Remus murmured, and tilted his chin up into a soft kiss. Sirius kissed him back just as gently, laying a hand on the back of his neck. Their lips moved in sync, and they seemed to fit together perfectly, like two lost pieces of a puzzle, finally coming together. 

“Happy Birthday,” Moony murmured when they finally pulled apart, pressing their foreheads together. Sirius smiled at him, and kissed him softly once more.

“That was the best gift I’ve ever gotten,” he whispered, and stood up, extending a hand to Remus. “Thank you,”

Remus felt as if there was no need to say anything more, he just grabbed the offered hand and let Sirius hoist him up. They walked back to the dorm hand in hand, careful not to wake James or Peter, and before they both headed for their respective beds Remus pulled Sirius into one more embrace, smiling slightly.

“Goodnight, Padfoot.”

“Night, Moons.”


	4. December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it is in fact 1:05 in the morning, and yes, I do have to wake up at seven thirty for school, but has that ever stopped me?
> 
> (no. the answer is no.)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!  
> xx,  
> CJ

It was a quiet night in Gryffindor tower, the four boys each in their own beds, completing some sort of homework. The silence was broken by a knock on the door, and Remus got up to answer it, surprised to see Lily Evans standing just outside the door frame.

“Lily?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”

  
“I need to talk to you,” she said. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she shot him a glare, grabbing his arm and pulling him through the door. “Let’s go, Lupin, I don’t have all day.”

Remus spared a backward glance at Sirius, who shrugged helplessly, looking as if he was trying to suppress a laugh. “Bastard!” he yelled, but there was something soft in his eye. Sirius sent a smile back at him, and Remus sighed, relenting to Lily’s grip and letting himself be tugged down the staircase.

“Really, Lils, what is it?”

“What have you done to Potter?” she grit out, once they were safely tucked into their corner of the library. 

“What? I haven’t done anything to James. If he’s hitting on you again though, I _will_ throw him in the lake.” Remus said.

“No, no, he hasn’t hit on me for months. It’s just- well, he got _nice_.” Lily sighed, putting her head in her hands. “And like, he isn’t going around and hexing everyone he disagrees with, and he kinda got a jawline over the summer, and ahh-”

“Lily, for all things good and holy, you’ve called me oblivious before, but this is something else.” Remus said gently, laying a hand on her shoulder. “You obviously like him, and he’s been arse-over-tit for you since second year, so if you would please, to quote yourself, ‘for god’s sake, just talk to him’.”

Lily groaned something unintelligible, coming out even more muffled from where her face was pressed into her forearms. “If you tell a single soul about this conversation, I will personally lock you and Sirius in a broom closet until you’ve both confessed your feelings.”

“Lily, who do I have to tell?” Remus scoffed, pointedly ignoring the second half of her sentence. “The only people I talk to, other than you, are James, Peter, Sirius, Marlene, and Dorcas. Also Alice occasionally, but not really.”

“Wow, Mr. Popular.”

“Ah, shove off Evans.”

-M-W-P-P-

“So, what are you lot doing for the holidays?” James asked nonchalantly, yawning.

“Oh, y’know, just the usual,” Sirius sighed, draping an arm across his forehead. “Spending time with my bigotted relatives, playing obnoxiously loud Bowie and Queen, pissing off my mother. Just boring stuff.”

Remus glanced over at his boyfriend from where he was folding jumpers by the dresser, a mug of hot tea resting dangerously close to him on a pile of books. He couldn’t help but notice the forced casualty in Sirius’ voice, the way he was trying to cover up his nerves with his usual dramatic antics. He chose no to mention it in front of James and Peter, saying instead, “Well, that sounds fun. Lily and I are both staying here, although I won’t be much fun to be around.”

“Oh, yeah, isn’t the moon on Christmas this year?” Sirius asked, concern showing only in his eyes. 

“Yeah, but I should be fine for one moon without you all,” Remus brushed it off. “Plus, it’ll be nice to spend some more time with Lily.” he said, taking a sip of tea.

“Moony, you spend so much time with her, I’m starting to think you’re dating!” James teased, a coy smile on his face.

Remus choked on his tea. “I. Erm. What?”

“Oh, c’mon Moony, we all know you’ve got your eye on _someone_.” he went on, an evil gleam in his eyes. “And she’s the only girl you really ever hang out with. It’s a logical conclusion.”

“I’ve not really got a crush on anyone,” Remus sputtered out, trying his hardest not to glance over at Sirius. 

“Ooh, so you’ve got a secret girlfriend!” James yelled triumphantly, as if he’d discovered Remus’ deepest, darkest secret.

“I, um, yes.” he said, resigned to his fate. He finally looked up at Sirius, who was raising an eyebrow at him, and frowning slightly. “I am, in fact, er, seeing someone.” Remus decided to say, which was not technically a lie. “But I am most definitely not seeing Lily, god no. She is way too good for me.”

“So, James, what’re your plans for the holidays?” Sirius asked, trying to steer the conversation away from Remus’ romantic life. 

James went off on a tangent about his mom’s tikka masala, and Sirius looked towards Remus, who was in turn, looking at him. Remus mouthed a quick, ‘ _I’m sorry_ ,’ and Sirius nodded, mouthing back, ‘ _it’s fine,_ ’.

-M-W-P-P-

It was just Sirius and Remus left in the dorm, Sirius shoving the last of his stuff into his messenger bag while Remus loitered awkwardly by the door. 

“Listen, Padfoot,” he started quietly. “Just, please, promise me that if it gets, y’know, _bad_ , you’ll tell me.” Sirius nodded wordlessly and crossed the room, walking straight into Remus’ chest. Remus wrapped his arms around him, brushing a stray piece of hair behind his ears. “And I’ll try to send you letters, okay?”

“Please,” Sirius whispered, voice thin. Remus pressed a soft kiss to his messy hair and squeezed his shoulders. Sirius took a shuddering breath, and pulled back, kissing Remus gently. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess all the time.” he sighed.

“No,” Remus reprimanded, “you’re not. You’re beautiful, and bloody perfect, and I won’t hear a word against it. Now, c’mon. I’ll walk you to the train.”

They linked up with James, Peter, and Lily on the way to the great hall, all of them talking and laughing about holiday plans and shenanigans. Once they reached the doors, Remus and Lily waved goodbye to everyone else, and Sirius pressed a crumpled up piece of paper into Remus’ hand as he stepped through the threshold, and out into the snowy Scotland landscape. 

As Remus and Lily made their way back to the common room, Lily decided to take her chance, and broke the comfortable silence that had descended over them. “When will you tell him?”

“There’s nothing to tell, Lily,” Remus sighed, and he wasn’t lying. There was nothing to tell, because it had already been told, not that she knew that.

“Honestly, Remus. He’s head over heels for you, it’s so bloody obvious.”

“You really think so?” Even after almost two months, it was still hard for him to believe. 

“I mean, c’mon, Rem,” Lily insisted. “You don’t see him giving _Potter_ a little love note! Ooh, do you think that’s his confession?”

“No, Lils, I don’t.” he said, rolling his eyes. 

“So, why don’t you read it?”

Remus groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face, and unfolding the paper. It read:

_R-_

_I’m sorry I had to leave. I’ll be back before you can even miss me. I, however, will be forever suffering away from you. Don’t beat yourself up too much, okay?_

_xx,_

_Padfoot_

“See, Lily?” Remus asked, hoping that he could slip out from under her watchful eye. “Nothing but friendship there. And plus, I don’t really have a crush on him anymore.” he said, which was true. Because he was pretty sure that he loved Sirius.

“My _God,_ when will you two get it together?”

-M-W-P-P-

Remus awoke on Christmas morning to an incessant tapping at the window. He was stiff after a night on the floor, the aches only amplified by the impending moon. He and Lily had fallen asleep in the common room around two in the morning, after spending the whole night talking about their families, and their traditions, and everything that fell in between.

He stretched, and got up to find the source of the cursed tapping noise, identifying it as a very cold owl outside the window. He went and let it inside, untying the letter from it’s legs.

_Remus,_

_I’m not sure if you’ll get this. I’m going to give it to Hagrid after I write it and ask him to send it to you, so hopefully you’re reading this now, and it’s Christmas (Happy Christmas, by the way!) How are you? I wish I could be there, but I’ll be back before you know it. I couldn’t send you anything as a gift, I hope you don’t mind. I miss you so much right now, and you’re actually just asleep in the next bed over, so I can’t imagine how much I’ll be missing you on Christmas. I can’t wait to be able to see you again. I hope you and Lily are having a good time, and I hope you don’t have too bad of a moon._

_I’m thinking of you, now and always._

_xx,_

_Padfoot_

“Aha!” Lily cried from behind him. Remus swore, jumping around to face her.

“Christ, Lils!” he yelped, his mouth turning downwards in a weary expression once he noticed the triumphant gleam in her eyes. 

“I need to know everything!” she squealed.

“You get three questions.”

“Ugh, Rem, why’re you such a downer?” Lily sighed, raising an eyebrow at him. He smirked back at her, counter-raising both of his eyebrows in return. “Bitch, trying to steal my moment,” she said. “Alright, my questions are: when did it happen, who made the first move, and how do you feel about him?”

“I hate myself from thirty seconds ago for giving you any questions at all.” Remus muttered, raking a hand through his hair. “It happened on his birthday, I made the first move, and what exactly do you mean by _‘feelings’_?”

“Feeling like; do you just like him, do you really like him, do you feel connected, do you think you love him, etc, etc.” she said, the smile audible in her voice. “I can’t believe you two bastards’ve been together for almost two months and you didn’t tell me. Sneaky little bitches.”

“Okay, so, erm, feelings.” Remus stammered, feeling his cheeks warm up. “I, um, I think that I might, er, love him.”

“Oh my Mc-Fucking God!” Lily cried, jumping up and hugging him. “You two are so damn cute!”

“Lily, please, I’m fragile!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments and kudos mean the world to me, and seeing them makes my day! Please leave some down below, if you feel so inclined! <3
> 
> xx,  
> CJ
> 
> [hello all. I know it's been a hot sec since i've uploaded here, but fear not, i'll be back soon. i've been slightly busy with some extracurriculars and other works, as well as falling down into a deep zukka rabbit hole. i've decided that i'm going to go ahead and make an upload schedule, and have a new chapter up on tuesdays! i hope you've enjoyed this fic so far, and i'll be back soon! :)]


	5. January

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooooooah, we're halfway theeeeeere.
> 
> (woooooaaah! livin' on a prayer!)

Sirius was in a corner of the drawing room on Grimmauld Place, talking with his cousin Andromeda, the only relative of his that he could stand being around. There was a heavy rain pelting down on the windows, making it so that if you wanted anyone to hear you, you had to either yell, or get very close to their face. 

The two Blacks were leaning against a wall, talking under their breath about anything and everything. They didn’t really see each other outside of whole-family events, and even then, their other relatives always tried to keep them apart, all too weary of their trouble making tendencies. 

“So, Sirius,” Andromeda started, keeping her voice low. “Anything interesting going on at school? With your mates, and all?”

Sirius hesitated for a moment, unsure if it was a good time to drop the Remus bomb. Just then, he noticed a very soggy-looking owl, hovering silently just outside the window and glaring daggers into Sirius’ soul. “Um, one sec, Andy.”

He nonchalantly opened the window, untying the letter from the bird’s leg, before letting it fly off again. “Can we, er, maybe go downstairs?” he asked quietly, not wanting the letter to draw any unwanted attention towards them.

“Yeah, sure.”

They walked together towards the basement, thankfully enough not meeting anyone in the hallway. Once they had scared Kreacher out of the kitchen, Sirius sat down heavily at the long table, unfolding the letter. 

_ Padfoot, _

_ I hope you’re holding up well over there. I’ve just gotten out of the hospital wing- this moon wasn’t too bad. Lily came and studied next to my bed all of yesterday, so I did still have some company. I figured that this letter would hopefully get to you around New Year’s, so Happy New Years! I know you Blacks have that whole-family dreary party sort of thing, and you’re probably suffering through that, but you’ll have your cousin Andromeda, right? You’ve never really told me much about her, but if you like her then she has to be a pretty great person! _

_ I miss you so much, that it hurts to breathe. (Although, that could just be all of the internal bruising, and the cracked rib that’s still healing) Don’t let the bigots get you down, love! Just three more days, even if those days feel like they’ll last a lifetime.  _

_ Love, _

_ Moony _

“Ooh, who’s Moony?” Andromeda giggled from behind him, causing Sirius to jump. (I stand by Andromeda and Lily being frighteningly similar.)

“Jesus tits, Andy!” he swore, turning on his heel and clutching the letter to his chest. “He’s… um, he’s… er, someone from school.”

“Sirius, you know you can tell me stuff, right?” Andy said, her voice softer than before. “I told you about Ted, so maybe you could tell me about this… person?”

“Ugh, fiiiiine,” Sirius whined, tucking the letter securely into his pocket. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“Eeeeeeeeeeee!” Andy squealed, pulling Sirius into a bone-crushing hug. “Oh my goodness! Bloody hell, Sirius, you’ve snagged yourself a bloke!”

“Quieter, Andy, please,” he choked out from where he was tucked tightly in-between Andromeda’s arms. 

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” she said, releasing him from her firm embrace. “I’m so happy for you! Really, Sirius, oh this is just so great! So, tell me about him!”

“Well, we’ve been best friends since first year, but we only just started dating in November.”

“Too cute!”

-M-W-P-P-

“Moony! Evans!” James cried as he threw open the door to their dorm. Remus and Lily were sitting on the ground, books and notes strewn across the floor in between them. 

Sirius rolled his eyes as he stepped in calmly after James, throwing his bag over to his bed and flopping down next to the two of them. “How were your holidays?”

“Ah, y’know,” Remus sighed. “Just the usual; staying up ridiculously late, suffering through the world's most awkward Christmas lunch, and then spending boxing day in the hospital wing. What about you? Anything interesting happen?”

“I came out to Andy,” Sirius said. 

“Really?” Remus asked, eyes lighting up with excitement. “How’d she take it?”

“Really good, actually.” Sirius smiled. 

“James, what’ve you done over break?” Lily asked, starting even herself by using his first name. He launched into a story about hectic family dinners and flying samosas, and by the end of it, all four of them were clutching their stomachs with laughter.

“Where’s Peter?” Sirius asked, once their giggling had died down. “I haven’t seen him.”

“Oh, he said something at dinner about holing up in the library to finish some Arithmancy homework.” James dismissed, waving a casual hand in the air. “I’m sure he won’t be back till late, you know how he is with Arithmancy.”

“Ah, well.” Lily said, standing up from the floor. “This has been fun boys, but I just remembered that Marlene spent the holidays with Dorcas’ family, and I should probably already be in our dorm to hear about it, so I’ll have to bid you goodnight!”

Sirius waved her out the door, and sighed, hugging a pillow to his chest and leaning back against an armchair. “It’s good to be home.”

-M-W-P-P-

“Sirius?” the whisper-yell startled Sirius out of his thoughts, and he turned, seeing Lily standing in the shadows of the common room. “Why the bloody hell are you awake?”

“I could ask you the same question, Lils.”

“Fair enough.” she agreed, flopping down next to him in front of the fire. “But really, Sirius, you’re never up without a reason. You’ve told me yourself that you’d kill a man for an extra hour of sleep.”

“Yeah, I mean- honestly, sometimes I just have nights when it all gets  _ too much _ , y’know?” he offered. “Like, it kinda feels like I’ve got the weight of the world resting on my shoulders, and I just. Can’t. Sleep. Usually, Remus would be awake, or something, and you know him, he’s always good to talk to, but tonight he was actually asleep, so I decided to lurk down here instead.”

“You may be the only person I know who's ever used ‘lurk’ casually in a sentence.” Lily scoffed, leaning her head onto Sirius’ shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve even heard  _ Remus  _ say lurk.”

“He’d never!” exclaimed Sirius, clutching his chest and gasping in mock scandalism.

“Ah, well you know what they say.” Lily sighed airily. “Opposites attract.”

“So you know?”

“About what?”   
“Me and Remus?”

“Oh, yeah, he told me.” she said, wrapping an arm around Sirius’s shoulder. “I always knew you two would end up together.”

“Oh, c’mon Lils, we’ve been together for three months, it’s not like our fate is sealed.” Sirius hummed, staring into the fire.

“I don’t see you with anyone else.” said Lily, always quick and to the point. “You two fit so perfectly together, like, I dunno, like two lost pieces of a puzzle. You’re made for each other. And plus, when we’re all adults and you two live together in a little flat in London, I’ll make sure to make you the Godfather of the child that I eventually have, because I know that whenever you’re gone, they’ll have Remus there to take care of them.”

“Really, Lily, you’d pick him over me?” came a voice from the back of the common room. Sirius turned around to find Remus making his was slowly towards the two of them, sitting down next to Sirius and twining an arm around his waist. “Hey, you.” he murmured under his breath.

“Oh God,” Lily moaned, “I’m destined to be a third-wheel for the rest of my life.”

“No, Lils, I’m sure that when you and James get married, Sirius will be-” Remus started, only to be cut off by a swift punch to the stomach from Lily. “That was  _ uncalled for. _ ” he wheezed.

“I’d rather kill off my entire family than marry that scumbag.” she pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“When will you just  _ tell him _ , Lily?” Sirius prodded, grabbing Lily’s wrist before she could punch Remus again.

“You told him?” she hissed, and Remus shook his head frantically, moving Sirius in front of him in order to use his boyfriend as a protective shield.

“No, he didn’t, I just figured it out on my own.” Sirius boasted. “I mean, honestly Lils, you don’t look at  _ me  _ like that in Herbology. And, just a few weeks ago, you called him James! That had to mean something. So, I put two and two together. Quite simple, really.”

“Nosy ass gays.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Like I said last chapter, updates will continue on Fridays for the next four weeks, and then we'll be done! I hope you've liked this so far, and if you have, please leave a comment and kudos, they always make me smile!
> 
> xx,  
> CJ

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this first chapter, and stick around for the next one! Your comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> xx,  
> CJ


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